During practice yesterday, I recorded *So Am I*. I stayed during the whole song, if that makes sense… even when I felt nothing/frozen, I let myself sing as a frozen person—just for that line, then, on the next breath, I stay *there*, not going to the next line/breath, not holding to the previous one (“I should have sung that better”), and not changing the one I was on, to make it bigger or smaller or better. Not “acting out the song”, but expressing what is available to me in each moment.

The recording is beautiful. I don’t feel the need to change a bit of it. Not because it’s perfect, but because it was real—it happened. I was allowed (by me) to *be where I was*… so it is perfect. Perfect in a way it never could have been by trying harder.

I hope I can learn to do this with more songs, even in live performances. I hope I can learn to do this in everyday life.


Wednesday January 30, 2019