The same things that allow me to write (sensitivity to what I’m feeling and what others are feeling, a need to get everything “just right” so the song says it perfectly, etc) is also what causes the most stress in my life (Oversensitive - no ability to just relax and enjoy life for what it is, worried about what others are thinking and feeling. Perfectionism - I’m never good enough, no one and nothing is ever good enough).
There are two sides to every gift. You may be feeling the negative side of your gifts right now. It’s important to recognize that if there are these strong negatives there are also equally strong positives. No one can tell you what those are - that’s something you’ll spend your whole life figuring out, and only you’ll be able to do that. But the first and most important step is acknowledging that these negative feelings aren’t the end of it - that they’re also sign pointing to a strong and powerfully positive and helpful part of you that wants to come out. It’ll take years and years to uncover it, but if you try, you will.
If you just accept that the way you’re feeling now is the end of it - it’s just bad feelings and “I want to die” - then you’ll give up here. The sad thing about giving up here is that you’re standing at the very beginning of the path; you’re looking at only half of the coin.
Accept that it’ll take years and years, a lifetime, to uncover the other half. Then decide to walk down that path to uncover it, bad feelings and all.
“Walking down the path" is getting up each day, trying to stay in the moment, being okay with who and where you are, breathing in and breathing out, doing the next thing in front of you… letting the bad feelings and good feelings come and go like waves, and accepting both as part of life.
In this way, it seems like Trust is at the core of really living.