I woke up anxious this morning but didn’t know why. This picture popped up this morning - 2yrs ago. Then I remembered that I dreamed of Olivia all night. I dreamed she was dying because I accidentally left her unattended and she fell off a bed. Our counselor says feelings don’t know time - so a memory can become 100% real to us in an instant. That is why it’s so important to *be in* and with our grief - we have to feel those feelings at some point, and waiting until later won’t make them any less real.

I dream of Olivia most nights. People like when I say that because it sounds romantic, but the dreams are terrifying. I’m re-living the moments of her life, most of which were very scary. In some ways, I’m feeling those moments for the first time. It’s hard but it’s necessary. And truthfully, I’m relieved every time I realize I dreamed about her, or every time a memory of her floods into my mind, because I don’t want to forget.

I love this picture of her. I can’t believe it’s been 2yrs since I took took it. ❤️

Saturday March 18, 2017