Playing in danger.

We’ve been in full quarantine for a couple of days with many to go. And the country canceled The 4th of July due to a worldwide pandemic. And Riots. Sickness. Danger. So much danger.

But I’m sitting on the roof tonight with my 4 kids, lighting sparklers, and watching as neighbors blast fireworks for hours on end. We’re on a roof. Playing with fire. Explosions all around us. Worldwide pandemic. Riots. Danger... Smiling. Laughter. Play.

It’s all mixed together. Life is not all fun and games... and it’s not all danger. People are sick. Dying. Hurting. Crying. Healing. Laughing. Loving. Sometimes, all of the above, sometimes all at once.

The night our daughter died, we played a board game. We smiled and laughed. We were all of the above.

If I’ve learned anything in the past several years it’s that what is happening in me is far more complex than I can ever understand... so I can stop trying to understand, and just let myself be where I am... wherever that is.

What the heck is this holiday today? Are we free? Fireworks were canceled. Our family can’t leave the house for weeks. The country and the world are, in many ways, in shambles. Yet tonight the sky is full of explosions — expressions — of beauty, creativity, fun. Tonight, we are on the roof, with sparklers.

The explosions, the sparklers, the smiles and laughter in the middle of danger are a statement: We are free because we choose to be free. We do not require someone or something else to be a certain way. We do not require ourselves to be a certain way or a certain place. Where we are and what is, is okay. That is freedom.

So from right here, in the middle of quarantine, of pandemic, in the middle of danger... right here we can smile, laugh, play.

Playing in danger.